097 – Addressing Youth and Teen Abusive Relationships: An Interview with Starr Burgess

This week, we are thrilled to welcome Starr Burgess, M.A. LPC. back to Vagina Chronicles Podcast! If you’re a long-time listener, you’ll remember Starr from Episode 19: “Healthy Relationships – How To Tell If You Have One and What To Do If You Don’t.” It was one of our favorite conversations with such an incredibly insightful woman.

We invited Starr back to the show to dig a little deeper into how/when people begin to enter patterns of abuse in relationships… as children and teens.

Starr shares with us the warning signs of early abuse, whether it’s at home or within relationships or peer groups, and what we can do as adults. The main goal here is to develop trust in order to keep the lines of communication open.Starr Burgess

The hope of this episode is for young people to begin to recognize when emotional, verbal, or relational bullying is happening so that they can exercise their right to change their circumstances (as far as it is within their power to do so). If we can help young people to not allow themselves to be caught in the cycles of abuse (self or other) at an early age, the perpetuation of violence may begin to recede.

We hope that you share this episode with anyone in your life that may need to hear this message of self-love, self-reliance, and empowerment.

Mentioned in this episode:

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Have you noticed controlling or abusive behaviors in your kids or siblings relationships with others? How do you address the threat of those behaviors with the young people in your life? Share your thoughts in the Comments below.

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074 – How to Identify “Gaslighting” and Reclaim Your Self

 

Photo by nydia hartono

Photo by nydia hartono

Do you ever leave a conversation feeling like you just got hit by a bus or you feel dizzy and confused? As if everything you know to be true has just been brought into question and, sometimes, even negated by someone else? Perhaps someone does this to you often: a partner, family member, boss, or friend? How does this make you feel?

Sometimes this manipulation is deliberate and used as a tool for controlling and manipulating people. It is used by some (if not all) abusers to dominate and degrade their victims. It makes the recipient question their reality, their memories, their sanity.

There is a name for this: gaslighting. From a 1938 stage play called Gas Light, in which the husband attempts to drive his wife crazy by periodically dimming the gas lights, the term describes the experience of many people.

While researching for the show, we had lots of “Aha!” moments about our own interactions, past and present, and realized that, although gaslighting is typically done deliberately, sometimes human beings speak without fully understanding how our words affect others and we unintentionally begin to dance the “Gaslight Tango” with people we love. We think it’s important to recognize the subtle ways that many of us manipulate without malice, but with very real consequences for those we are interacting with.

In this episode, we share the ways in which gaslighters manipulate and how to recognize the signs. We also discuss how you can begin to extricate yourself from an abusive, or potentially abusive, situation and begin to reclaim your power.

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Have you ever experienced gaslighting? What do think about this manipulation tactic? Share your thoughts in the Comments below.

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